Envy.
I feel like it's one of the best tricks of the devil.
It can start out as something so small and then bloom into a bitterness that could possibly never be removed. It's something I struggle with constantly. Whether it's because of a lack of confidence in myself, or because I'm just being greedy and selfish, it never fails to leave me wanting more.
Last night when we were at a restaurant eating dinner, I found myself comparing myself to the girls who I though were around my age. When I realized what I was doing I felt ashamed for I knew that it was not the attitude that a daughter of Christ should have. Later, as I examined my heart I realized that I had let envy root and grow, I was no longer content with what I had.
Envy: a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.
It can be something as small as the shoes I'll be wearing. Instead of being grateful that I have shoes, I'll compare myself to the world, and then become envious of it.
1st John 2:16 pretty much sums up how I feel like I've been looking at everything lately, "16 For everything in the world--the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does--comes not from the Father but from the world." Proof that my heart needs adjusting.
I need to adjust my attitude back to that of Jesus Christ. For only then will the envy be pushed out of my heart.
It's eerie; just erlier this day, I read an excerpt from an early Czech church reformer, Tomáš Štítný ze Štítného, where he speaks of dressing to impress, dressing too richly, dressing purposefully more rich than others (in the 14th century, but I feel it still applies) and the envy and sin this causes in others. The twist there was that it happened at church. :P
ReplyDeleteI've experienced this when reading blogs. Envying people's vintage patterns (even though I have yet to use those few I do have). Envying sewing / historical clothing resources in other countries. Instead of enjoying and trying to explore those available to me. I think I've learned to recognise it as envy, but it's still lurking!