Sunday, September 18, 2016

How Beautiful

This morning I stood weeping unashamedly in the worship service at my church.  
There are just some days that my heavenly Father knows when I need a word from Him.  We were singing a song written by one of the worship leaders. At one part the words go something like, "How beautiful the feet of Jesus, that were nailed for me." At another part (when in the song is blurry in my memory) it says, "I will never forget the day that He washed my sins away."
It is a beautiful song.  
Through the last 7 months or so, remembering that I am cleansed by Jesus' blood had been a struggle for me.  I would find myself so often begging for the forgiveness that I could never quite realize had already been given to me.  I was reminding myself of all the mistakes I had made and it would often put me into a mentality of constantly condemning myself. 
I struggled with learning that I was the one holding myself back from a free and full life.  
Forgiving myself was one of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn, and one of the most painful.  I'm such a prideful person that I felt I could never let others see what I was really struggling with. I had gotten myself so stuck in a pattern of negative thinking towards myself that I didn't realize it.  Drowning in a sea of my own criticisms.
Today at church as I stood silently crying, hands clasped against my chest. I began to reflect on how far I have come over the last several months.
I realized a long time ago that I will never be a perfect person.
I will probably always be my own worst enemy.
I will always need to work on some aspect of my life.
To others around me I probably looked like a wet, teary mess.  But it was the most joyful moment in my heart.  They were tears of just pure joy and thankfulness.
I truly am thankful for the truths God has made evident in my life.
Thankful for His sacrifice for my life.
Thankful for freedom from slavery to sin.
Because no matter how insignificant the devil might make me think I am from time to time, I am splendid to the King of Kings.

Acts 11:9b, "'Do not call something unclean if God has made it clean."

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